Rain And Depression

The relentless rain is back and growing up in this environment you’d think I’d be used to it. Heck when I was a kid and we were homeless I spent plenty of time getting very wet (and not in a good way). But I’m not used to it and it frustrates me when I can’t get things done.

I really wanted to go for a bike ride today but I just couldn’t take the soaking. So I sat around, did some commercial artwork, and got depressed about the whole thing.

Thinking about death on a daily basis doesn’t necessarily have a lot to recommend it. What we learn from dwelling on the ultimate reality is that life is meaningless in the most extreme sense possible, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

This past few days we had breaking news announcing that 12 miners were found alive. Followed by a long series of people saying that this was proof of miracles, that God answers prayer, etceteras. When three hours later it was proven that those miners were dead and the news of them all surviving was wrong, nobody stood up to say that we have no proven that miracles do not exist and God (if such a thing exists) does not answer prayer.

They should have.

After all, if a positive outcome proves miracles, by definition a negative outcome must disprove miracles. But of course the inability to grasp even the simplest of logical concepts is a major part of what makes people religious in the first place. That, and a terrible fear of death and nonexistence, and the need to have meaning even where meaning doesn’t really exist.

Death makes everything pointless, meaningless, and ultimately worthless. Even if you argue that you live in order to benefit your children (or whatever) they TOO will cease to exist thus rendering whatever you have done pointless. There is no unbroken chain, no thread of hope for a person to cling to …if they are truly rational.

If I surrender to irrationality (a constant temptation) then the sky is the limit. I devoted three quarters of my life to religion, after, so giving the last bit would be easy.

Who better than I to understand how easy it is to give in to what we hope for and abandon what we know? I empathize with that feeling. I’m there. But part of me is just too logical and rational to completely let go of WHAT IS to cling to WHAT I WISH.

That puts me in a minority, doesn’t it? It isn’t a fun minority, but it may also be the last, best hope for mankind.

signed, Chriss Pagani


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